Fifty .. Ya Made It. Now What?

The alarm slapped me across the face at 3:30 on Sunday morning. Happy 50th, ya old bastard. You made it. 

I woke to this scene on the television, the recently retired Michael Caine from “The Dark Knight Rises” crying over Bruce Wayne. It seemed appropriate given the weight of the day, a lifetime of memories, misses and missteps flashing before my eyes as Caine’s tears fell.

And with that, I found my way to the bathroom for the stare down. The Stuart Smalley-inspired moment to prep for the day ahead. A quick shower and I was out the door, ready for my two-hour Sunday morning sprint on radio. 

It’s Week 6 of the NFL. Normally, I’m bouncing off the walls, ready to hammer through stats and injuries and trends. And fire off the requisite pop culture references and one-liners, of course.

This Sunday, I’d have rather pulled the covers back up and slept (or tried to). But, the show goes on. It’s like the song from Rilo Kiley says:

“But you’ll fight and you’ll make it through

You’ll fake it if you have to

And you’ll show up for work with a smile” (A Better Son/Daughter)

I received a text from my daughter before the show - and long before she should have been up - that gave me a jolt of positivity ahead of the show introduction. A couple friends did the same, helping to lift the spirit. 

The show was great - we broke down matchups and made predictions. And, a certain number of NFL teams would later do their best to make me look foolish (I do fine by myself in that regard). 

I headed back to watch the action, my beloved Bears doing Bears things, a miserable experience among a slate of NFL surprises. Calls and texts to mock their futility and to catch up, including my family and my other daughter, brightened the day. 

It’s the simple things that bring you back. For a while, it all melts away, that anguish you saw in Caine’s face up top, the things you’ve fouled up. You’re talking about the game, laughing about memories of players and teams past, birthday celebrations and loved ones.

Tim McGraw sang about “My Next 30 Years.” I know I don’t have 50 in me, but you have to start somewhere.

This counts as Day One. 

It Don't Come Easy - June 17th

It Don't Come Easy 

I restarted this entry several times before committing to the awkwardly-scrawled prose below.

Choose better. Find some peace.

Every day, it's a challenge. Here's the deep stuff.

Gains are hard. Change is hard.

Be it something "simple" like the gym. Plateaus and desire for instant gratification and results dissuades people from continuing their resolutions.

Or, at work - the extra hours, projects or perhaps the uncomfortable conversation about aspirations or where the system needs improvement or management styles need tweaking.

Or, in your relationships of any type, difficult conversations are oftentimes sublimated (diving back into the career, housework or a stated goal). The consequences of that discussion may be dire and the fracture irreparable. 

Change is hard, but necessary to grow. You learn by building on previously established truths in math and science. But in other subjects, you may need to tear down preconceived notions or perhaps things you'd be told or taught by a trusted source. Experiences and time reveal new paths of knowledge. And hopefully that peace you sought at the outset ...

Today's "Devil's Jukebox" accompaniment is It Don't Come Easy from Richard Starkey - aka, Ringo Starr. You know the words. Sing it loud. 

------------------------------------

One, two,

One, two, three, four!

It don't come easy

You know it don't come easy

It don't come easy

You know it don't come easy

Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues

And you know it don't come easy

You don't have to shout or leap about

You can even play them easy

Open up your heart, let's come together

Use a little love

And we will make it work out better

I don't ask for much, I only want your trust

And you know it don't come easy

And this love of mine keeps growing all the time

And you know it don't come easy

Peace, remember peace is how we make it

Here within your reach

If you're big enough to take it

Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues

And you know it don't come easy

You don't have to shout or leap about

You can even play them easy

Peace, remember peace is how we make it

Here within your reach

If you're big enough to take it

I don't ask for much, I only want your trust

And you know it don't come easy

And this love of mine keeps growing all the time

And you know it don't come easy

"What's my name?" Ringo!

"What's my name?" Ringo!

"Just in case anybody forgot"

Keeping The Faith - Day 5

Keeping The Faith

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Perhaps this year's Memorial Day weekend resonated more because of the pandemic, the "stay at home" situation. Certain creature comforts and escapes have been lost:

-- Services. Ahh, the hot button issue of politics for sure during this time. Many innovative pastors have moved their sermons and services online. Obviously, this can be seen as a generational shift. I say that it's an opportunity to embrace technology and a teachable moment to create new avenues for communication.
-- Salons and barber shops. For many, this became a dismissive punchline. Pull back and think culture as a whole. That's a meeting place. Go back and watch "Barber Shop" for a refresher or the Chris Rock doc "Good Hair" or the Matthew Cherry short "Hair Love."
-- Therapy sessions. I know a few people who have tried to continue their sessions, but have been stymied because of living conditions (parents or roommate situations).
-- Family visits, near or far.
-- LIVE events - sports, theater, comedy clubs, concerts. This one hits near and dear. Those that know me or listen to the radio show know of my affinity for that communal energy, that force that comes in a live event. It takes on a bit of a religious feel for me (more on that in a separate blog to come). 
-- The corner bar for a quick pause and exhale. All the characters of "Piano Man" wander in eventually. But, we'll get back to Mr. Joel in a minute. 
-- The ability to get in and out of a store for that one missing ingredient. Tell me you haven't experienced that at least once.
-- The chance to exchange a glance and a Tribbiani "How you doin'?" cheeseball line.
-- The gym, a favorite restaurant, for a while, even "Starbucks" shut down.
-- For the students: Sports practices and games, after-school activities with their people, clubs, sleepovers, swim parties, movies and a million other things.

I could expand this list to another 1,000 line items without blinking. The point is that there are battles over data, political ideologies and parsing of scientific data as individual states and our country as a whole debate the "Grand Re-Opening!" And, as we look to policies and procedures, we begin to take little steps forward. We retain hope - can't let that go - that we will return to


Just remember the sacrifice as it's meant for this particular day. Whether drafted or volunteer, there are thousands of military members and civilians working in tandem that gave their lives so that we can enjoy the fruits of that truncated list above. Insert the million other line items that fit your particular situation. You'll catch yourself with your breath stopped, or you'll push back from the computer monitor or look away from your phone for a moment. 

Keep The Faith. It's ok to have those moments of frustration, another cookie (or five) and curse it. It's ok. Your friends and family will understand. Just invite them to do the same.

Then, find a laugh, a smile, and hold tight.

Now, bop along to some classic 80's Joel.

"You can get just so much

From a good thing

You can linger too long

In your dreams

Say goodbye to the

Oldies but goodies

Cause the good ole days weren't

Always good

And tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems"

29 Palms - Day 4

29 Palms

I don't feel tardy. Sunday's entry is a bit late.

Took a bit of a detour on Sunday's outing. Early in the week I'd broached the idea of a stroll and some peace and quiet at Joshua Tree. I'd seen the notices of its reopening and was eager to get back to, in even its most rudimentary form, adventuring. Had to go. And

So, finished the Sunday morning radio show. That's good for the soul, and we do slip into preacher mode a few times each weekend session. I don't know that it's intentional, but there always seems to be a story or personal anecdote that leads to either deep thoughts or the exaggerated chatter that falls somewhere between carnival barker, wrestling shoot interviewer or preacher. Don't be offended. You can decide for yourselves the borders and distances of that continuum.

Either way, loaded up in the car and headed to Joshua Tree. Laugh and sing your U2 best. It's also a place of tranquility and peace for artists like Greg Dulli of The Afghan Whigs. Sure I'll get a song of theirs in here eventually.

Cars aligned the road upon entry to the park. Just passing the threshold of the Welcome gate, I relaxed a bit. Granted, the drive in wasn't nearly as crowded or chaotic as in what we call "normal" times now, so the open road and the radio served to pull most of the world's weighty thoughts away. Add to that, the signs for "29 Palms," and suddenly I was channeling my inner Plant (see below).

Getting out into the sunshine and taking those first steps was a huge lift.

Sure, you have to watch the ground a bit. I ain't looking to step on or near some unsuspecting desert dweller. But the landscape, blue skies (Zihuatanejo kind of stuff), yucca trees and rock formations afforded a bit of tranquility, the removal from the city and structure.

I'm blessed to be just a few short minutes from the beach. I can always dip a toe into the water and look out into the vastness of the ocean and be reminded of my space here. This trip to Joshua Tree provided the same. Climbed some rocks for a different view. And exhaled. 

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"29 Palms - I feel the heat of your desert heart
Taking me back down the road that leads back to you"